"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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