That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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