these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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