STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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