Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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