remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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