i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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