You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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