they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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