so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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