it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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