Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize