Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize