There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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