Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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