Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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