I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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