she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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