I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His hands were made for my vagina.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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