YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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