Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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