I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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