I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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