Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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