If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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