tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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