If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize