you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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