Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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