Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize