Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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