1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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