Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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