You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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