Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize