I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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