I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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