theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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