The maid of honor just puked.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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