I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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