you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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