Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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