Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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