she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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