I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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