No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize