She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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