Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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