when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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