Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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